Patience, not an easy one to keep a grip on when you are hypo-manic, having anxiety issues or, in my case, both.
My mind is racing which seems to set things into a perpetual motion – escalating the speed of my speaking and walking and actions. It pretty much kicks me into high gear.
Usually I don’t notice it myself, unless it is pointed out.
My husband often says, “SLOW DOWN!”
It’s one thing to go fast and talk fast, etc. But it is an entire different situation to let mania and/or anxiety cause you to lose patience with others over trivial things; or to blame others for holding you up.
It took me a while to realize that it isn’t that everyone else is slow; I’m fast.
Therefore it can make everything seem like an eternity ~
-Waiting for a response from someone.
-Walking behind someone in an aisle or stairway that you can’t zoom around them.
-Waiting for food to cook (or in the case of being out, feeling like the wait staff is taking far too long).
-And on and on.
Sixty seconds can feel like 5-10 minutes easily.
I will find myself getting really frustrated with whatever or whomever I am waiting for.
This is the ideal time to make note and start talking oneself down or reminding oneself that it isn’t reality, only a perception.
Today I am on lunch – lunch is hurry hurry for me on a normal day because I drive home to let the dog out and eat, then travel back to work. On a day when I have to make a quick stop it’s even tighter. The simple fact that I’m trying to get done and be on time will kick in my anxiety some. I can get hateful, especially when someone’s in my way, I’ll find myself saying completely uncalled for ridiculous things to or about that person under my breath (unless it’s a really hard day or they have actually done more than get in my way – like being rude; then there is no under the breath speaking).
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LEARN TO IDENTIFY WHEN YOU ARE BEING AMPED UP BY MANIA OR ANXIETY AS WELL AS TO LEARN TO TALK YOURSELF THROUGH IT.
Prime example: Today I made a stop at the local grocery store (they are the only ones that carry a certain coffee) while on lunch to get coffee for the work coffee club. I had already gotten to the point where I was muttering under my breath for petty things like someone going 1 mph under the speed limit.
I arrived, went inside, grabbed the coffee I needed, got in line, paid and headed out. There was an elderly lady that was in line before me – as in many cases, she moved a bit slower than the average person and I was moving faster than your average rabbit.
I’m not such an ass that I’d push her aside or ask her to move. But I was stuck in a situation where there was no going around her … 3 of her steps equaled one of mine. I felt like I was being “restrained” (which really gets my anxiety going).
As I’m walking behind her, feeling like my head was going to explode the light turned on. “Sandy, this is not HER issue. This is YOUR issue. You are perceiving things way more intensified than they truly are. Besides, she looks to be 80ish – have some compassion! She isn’t doing this just to flip your world upside down.”
I have to keep talking to myself this way as I walk behind her – otherwise something not cool will happen – if not right then, not to far down the line because I’ve got myself all worked up and “prickly” as I call it (or sometimes I say my nerve endings are raw).
Taking ownership of your issue(s) is the ONLY way to make them better/more controllable.
Admitting you have an issue doesn’t make you weak or pathetic or a baby … it means you are strong enough to look within and see that you are not perfect.
Once you can do that, you can start to work on controlling it much better.
Yes there will be days … but it is nothing compared to letting yourself run amuck and using your issues as an excuse.
OWN IT!
sandserenebipolar 